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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556931">The Light Behind Your Eyes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/windyway/pseuds/windyway'>windyway</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Song Fic [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arashi (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adventure, Dystopia, F/M, Friendship, Gen, M/M, Minor Character Death, Sho's dying but he's alive, implied PTSD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 18:02:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,334</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23556931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/windyway/pseuds/windyway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Why did Sho need 5 years to find Nino? What did happen to him?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ikuta Toma/Sakurai Sho, Koike Eiko/Sakurai Sho, Ninomiya Kazunari/Sakurai Sho, Okada Junichi/Sakurai Sho, Suzuki Honami/Sakurai Sho</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Song Fic [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1695475</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Light Behind Your Eyes</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I actually wanted to end my previous song ficlet as it was, but my brain didn't cooperate with me. So here I am, making a sort of continuation from Sho'S POV. And being a Sho-tan, I tend to make him suffer (sorry, Sho). But he's already suffering from the first story so... yeah XD</p>
<p>Inspired from My Chemical Romance - The Light Behind Your Eyes. I recommend listening to this song while reading this fic like when I was writing this.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Nino. I'm back."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>5 years ago.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>A shot fired. Everything suddenly was in silence. Sho could smell blood and smoke. His body was aching, his heart was pulsing rapidly. His eyes were still hurting from the smoke bomb, his ears were buzzing from the loud shot. He tried so hard to breathe. He felt like his limbs were ripped off of his body. The sun shone bright but he couldn't see anything. If only he was more careful to move. If only he could defend himself better, he could be with their friends now. He could be with Nino now.</p>
<p>"Am I going to die?" Sho thought to himself.</p>
<p>He closed his eyes while regulating his breath. He could do this. He should do this. His mind was playing the images. His parents, his house, the curfew drone, the soldiers, the execution news, Aiba's laugh, Ohno's sleeping face, Jun cooking for their dinner last night, and Nino.</p>
<p>Nino's smile. Nino's laugh. Nino's shining eyes. The light behind his eyes. Nino's determination. Nino's tears. Nino's last "Sho-chan". His best friend's smiling eyes haunted him. He wouldn't see those eyes again.</p>
<p>He wanted to puke. This ache was unbearable. Was this how he disappears? Blanketed by smoke and piles of leaves? He just wanted to be free, live peacefully, away from this control-freak country. Such a high price to pay.</p>
<p>He was sad that he couldn't take his parents with him. But he was grateful that they still lived "safely". He couldn't imagine his parents' dead body beside him. He couldn't imagine his parents saw him like this.</p>
<p>"There they are!" Sho heard someone yell from afar. Who was that? Another soldier? Would they come and bury him here? Or left him to die? Why did the soldier that attacked him before doesn't do anything? Was he dead too?</p>
<p>"Ugh, he's dead. Too bad. He was a good soldier tho."</p>
<p>"This traitor shot him dead, huh? He wasn't a good soldier then."</p>
<p>"Ah, you're right. What should we do now?"</p>
<p>"Just put those leaves above them. Let mother nature do her job."</p>
<p>The soldier was dead? Did he shoot the soldier? How?</p>
<p>He felt someone touched his right hand, no, someone was taking something from his hand. His hand was so numb until he didn't feel anything before the soldiers came.  Now he knew why.</p>
<p>He held the heavy gun.</p>
<p>He shot the soldier dead.</p>
<p>They thought he was dead too.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>So, he played dead. He tried to loosen his muscles, tried to conceal his chest movement. The soldier poured the leaves on his body and left. Silence again.</p>
<p>He was alive. But he didn't think he would last long in this condition. "Ah... I guess I'll be gone soon, huh? Such a tragic end," Sho talked to himself and chuckled bitterly, not surprised that his voice came hoarse, "I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry, Nino. So long."</p>
<p>One tear.</p>
<p>Two tears.</p>
<p>He felt his tears streaming on his face, absorbed by leaves. His lips were quivering, his body was trembling from crying. Nino would be crying if he saw him now. He hated to see Nino cried, but he was proud of himself. He could protect his friends' life, though it cost his own life. He would never let them take the light behind Nino's eyes.</p>
<p>"Sho!" He heard someone called his name. Who?</p>
<p>His breathing was getting shorter. But he could feel the leaves above him were getting lighter. That someone must be digging the leaves to find him.</p>
<p>"Sho! Do you hear me? Oi! He's here!" He felt a strong hand lifted his weak body from the ground. Ah, he recognized the voice.</p>
<p>"Sho? Sho-"</p>
<p>"Took you long enough, Senpai..." and he felt as light as a feather.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Sho-chan~! Wake up! Your mom has made your breakfast!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Five more minutes, Nino..."</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"No, wake up now!"</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Mmm... No..."</em>
  <br/>
  <em>"Sho-chan!"</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sho let a loud gasp and everything suddenly looked bright. Where was he now? His body hurt like hell; he flinched and hissed. He looked at his surroundings and felt familiar with the place. It was his basecamp. He was safe and sound. He was alive.</p>
<p>"Good morning, Sunshine!"</p>
<p>"Okada-senpai?"</p>
<p>"Aaah, good that you still remember me. I thought you would sleep for years."</p>
<p>"Huh?"</p>
<p>"You've been unconscious for 4 days, you know? We're worried about you," Okada took a seat beside Sho's bed.</p>
<p>"Did you bring me here?"</p>
<p>"Yes, along with Matsu-nii and his comrades. As expected of you, you still looked smug even when you were dying," Okada laughed.</p>
<p>Sho chuckled, "What did happen to me? How could you find me? How about Nino and others? Have you got informa- Agh-"</p>
<p>"Hey, calm down, boy. Your stitches would reopen", Okada helped Sho to lay down again on his bed, "You know that we always watch over every mission, right? When we saw the smoke signal, we already prepared to defend you. But we didn't expect the shot fired that quickly and shifted the soldiers' attention to you, so we waited. After everything was clear, I ran to you and commanded the others to send support. And here we are now."</p>
<p>Sho frowned trying to remember anything from that day and nodded, "That shot was mine but I didn't realize it before they took the gun from my hand. Everything was grey then black. I was scared. I thought I was going to die".</p>
<p>Okada patted his shoulder, "It's okay now. That soldier dislocated your left shoulder and broke your left arm. You got 7 stitches on your temples and bruises all over your body. He almost cut your stomach open. Good that his knife only slit your skin, thanks to your thick clothes. The better one was he didn't dislocate your knee."</p>
<p>"I should've invested more to practice martial arts with you, right?" Sho chuckled, "When can I go back to them?"</p>
<p>"You need at least 7 months to fully recover-"</p>
<p>"What-"</p>
<p>"It could be dangerous if you force to use your unhealed arm. Be patient and follow all the doctor's instructions. You wanna be with your friends as soon as possible, right?" Sho nodded.</p>
<p>"They've sent a short telegram message that they were safely crossed the border. Now they're gonna go to the temporary shelter before fully fend for themselves," Sho sighed in relief, "We're waiting for their other telegram."</p>
<p>"Great."</p>
<p>"Yeah, great. You, too. What a stubborn kouhai."</p>
<p>"I'll take it as a compliment," Sho smiled.</p>
<p>"Ah, ah, there, that smug smile. Aaaahhh, I hate that smile. I can't stand it!" Okada pointed at Sho's face and laughed hard.</p>
<p>"Stop it. You're annoying."</p>
<p>"You too", Okada messed Sho's hair. "Welcome back, Sho."</p>
<p>"I'm home, Nii-san."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>We're safe. We're in XXXXXX and now we're searching for a new place to live while staying in the shelter. Have you found Sho-chan? Is he still alive? Send our hello to him. We missed him.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Thank God. Good luck. We've found Sho but he was badly injured. He's currently recovering and eager to be with you guys ASAP.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sho spent his time in his basecamp recovering and rehabilitating his body. If he wanted to follow his friends, he should heal quickly. He'd be lying if he didn't miss them all. He missed them every day, every night. He used it to ignite his motivation to get better. He wanted to meet them again soon.</p>
<p>A year passed by quickly. Sho was fully recovered and he got better with martial arts too. He was ready to resume his mission. His left arm wouldn't be as strong as before, but his other arm and legs were stronger, thanks to Okada.</p>
<p>"Is everything ready?" Matsu-nii asked.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Your weapon? Smoke bomb?" Okada joined the conversation.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Food? Protein bar?" Nagano too.</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>"Paraffin stove? First-aid kit? Your portable telegraph?"</p>
<p>"Oi, I'm not a kid anymore!" Sho pouted.</p>
<p>"But we're worried. After what happened a year ago, we want you to succeed this time. Riiiiight?" Okada asked and the other nodded.</p>
<p>"You can't cook too. Riiiiight?" Matsu-nii asked the other nodded.</p>
<p>"I can!"</p>
<p>"Yeah, yeah, you can", Nagano smirked.</p>
<p>"My, my. He's ready, guys. Let's send him to his freedom", Okada playfully pushed Sho out of the basecamp.</p>
<p>Sho straightened his posture and gave the last salute, "I'm going now."</p>
<p>"Take care, Sakurai Sho. You've got our backs", his senpais saluted back to him.</p>
<p>Sho's second attempt to pursuing his freedom started.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Learning from the first attempt, Sho was mentally prepared. Then, he was too eager to escape from Japan until he failed and lost his fight. Now, he was calmer and more collected, more careful and more aware of his surroundings. He learned how to move (Yes, he didn't know that his moving posture was bad it tired him out) quickly and efficiently. He knew that their senpais watched over him but he should count on himself.</p>
<p>Sho ran, walked, slept, and ate efficiently. He couldn't be careless this time. The sun went up and down, the days changed into the nights. Sometimes he felt a pang of guilt and sadness as he couldn't be with their friends.  Sometimes he blamed himself too. He missed them all. This was the last night he would be in Japan, he promised himself.</p>
<p>Being in a Storm, Sho knew that SCARECROW had some fatal flaws. One of them was the weak security level on the border that had no civilian, like in the forest Sho had been staying for days, especially at night. The government only focused on what they could see in the downtown when the sun still rises. Sho thought that it might be expensive and energy-consuming to maintain this know-it-all system so they sacrificed the border. Or maybe he was just luckier this time.</p>
<p>Sho crossed the border successfully. He took a deep breath and sighed in relief. The first mission was done. He immediately sent a short message to the basecamp after getting a safe place.  He was ready to start a new life. He was ready to meet their friends again.</p>
<p>His second mission was finding temporary shelter and a new place to live. He already got information about their friends' whereabouts. But this new country was huge, searching for them alone would be troublesome. He needed more clues, but he needed sleep more than anything. So, he recalled the shelter's information and searched for it quickly. Good that the shelter wasn't too far from Sho's first position and it was almost dawn. He knocked on the door and a guy opened it.</p>
<p>"You must be Sakurai Sho, right?"</p>
<p>"Yes, good morning."</p>
<p>"No need to be formal", the guy smiled, "I'm Toma. Come in, you must be tired now."</p>
<p>"Thank you."</p>
<p>"Our senpais contacted me some minutes ago. Fortunately, I've woke up early today," Toma chuckled, "You can sleep here. I'll prepare breakfast."</p>
<p>"Thank you again, Toma-san."</p>
<p>"You're welcome. And don't call me Toma-san, just Toma. Okay? Living in the forest makes me feel awkward at formalities", Toma grinned.</p>
<p>"Yes, noted", Sho smiled back.</p>
<p>That was the first day when Sho finally slept soundly.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Ninomiya?" Toma asked.</p>
<p>"Yes, along with Aiba, Matsumoto, and Ohno. Do you know them?"</p>
<p>"Hmmm, let me check", Toma opened his Traitors' database, "Ah, these guys. Yes, I know them."</p>
<p>"They're my friends. I was supposed to be with them a year ago, but something unfortunate came and I couldn't join them."</p>
<p>"Is that about a dying Traitor back then? It was you..."</p>
<p>"Yeah, that was me. Was I that famous?" Sho chuckled.</p>
<p>Toma laughed, "No. But speaking of that incident, I remembered that Nino was crying when he arrived here. I know that many Traitors would cry in happiness after crossing the border but Nino was crying sadly. He cried for you then..."</p>
<p>"Yeah... It was because of me. He's my childhood friend. Did you happen to know about their new place?"</p>
<p>"The last information they gave me was they're living in a share house above the coffee shop near the small post office. Once you're out of this forest, walk to the right and you'll find the office. My friend is the coffee shop owner. She usually helps Traitors too. Just mention my name and she'll know."</p>
<p>"A woman?"</p>
<p>"Yup. Don't underestimate her, though. Being a woman living near the border after Japan launched SCARECROW somehow is more convenient. The soldiers simply overlook her place while I should change this place as an 'inn' whenever they come", Toma shrugged.</p>
<p>"Those soldiers even do that much, huh? Ridiculous."</p>
<p>"To feed the government's ego, yes. What a control-freak country. Good thing that I've lost my Japanese citizenship", Toma and Sho laughed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Eiko-san?"</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"Sorry for intruding. I'm Sakurai Sho. I'm searching for my friends. Toma-san told me to meet you here."</p>
<p>"Huh? Oh. You're..."</p>
<p>"Yeah, that."</p>
<p>"Ah, sit down, please. How can I help you?" Eiko smiled and made a cup of tea for Sho.</p>
<p>"I need the information of my friends' whereabouts and a place to live. Can you help me?"</p>
<p>"Did your friends happened to stay here?"</p>
<p>"Toma-san said yes. I got the same information from them too. They're Ninomiya, Aiba, Matsumoto, and Ohno."</p>
<p>"Ninomiya?" Eiko frowned, "Ah, the guy with hamburger hands!"</p>
<p>Sho chuckled, "Yes, him."</p>
<p>"Yes, I know him and his friends. They stayed and worked around here for 3-4 months. My coffee shop had more customers since they worked here", Eiko smiled. "By the way, you must be tired of walking that far from Toma's place. Here, drink your tea first."</p>
<p>"Thank you, Eiko-san", Sho took the tea and drank it.</p>
<p>"You're welcome. Speaking of staying here, I have a vacant room. You can use it for free for a month, but you should work here for at least a month. You'll get meals too. You can stay and work here longer though, but I'll automatically take your rental fee from your salary. How about that?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine with that. Thank you so much", Sho bowed.</p>
<p>"My pleasure. I'm happy to help my brothers and sisters from there. And..."</p>
<p>"Yes?"</p>
<p>"Maintaining a coffee shop and a share house alone is tiring, you know?" Eiko laughed, "Your presence saved me. I think after an incident a year ago, there are fewer Traitors cross the border and stay here."</p>
<p>"...I guess I'm that famous", Sho scratched his back of his head.</p>
<p>"EH? Is that you? The dying Traitor?"</p>
<p>"Why is everyone I meet here call me like that? Yes, that's me", Sho chuckled.</p>
<p>"Your story is famous among Traitors here. I'm honored to meet the legend", Eiko bowed down.</p>
<p>"No, don't mention it", Sho chuckled again.</p>
<p>"By the way, about your friends, they said that they rented a small hut near the village over the mountain. Ohno-san said that he found the hut when he was fishing there. He said that they wanna open a bakery there."</p>
<p>Sho shook his head, "As expected of Satoshi-kun."</p>
<p>"How could a sleepy guy walk that far just for fishing? Even found a hut and opened a bakery?" Eiko laughed.</p>
<p>"It's a mystery, even for us."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sho finally worked and stayed at Eiko's place while collecting new information about his friends. He worked as a waiter and errand guy ("I'm in the 30s already, I accept my fate that I'm no longer a boy", Sho cackled). The shop was famous among former Traitors and locals. Sho made new friends there, but still no information about them. Seemed like they wanted to erase their trace about being Traitors. It was too risky if he searched for them without good preparation too. So, he came up with another plan: saving his salary while working on Eiko's place and collecting more useful information from his customers. He needed to be patient, again. Maybe he could learn to be a barista and opened a coffee shop near their bakery, someday.</p>
<p>The incident still gave him trauma, even after 4 years since the incident. He sometimes woke up drenched in a cold sweat with his left shoulder pulsing, tensed and trembled when the soldiers suddenly came to the shop or gasped aloud when people tapped him from behind. Sho once screamed in his sleep and woke Eiko up, made him apologized again and again. Eiko said that she was one of the Traitors back then, along with her parents. She knew how the fellow Traitors felt, that was why she wanted to help more people from there.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Still no information about them?" Eiko asked Sho while making a coffee for her last customer that day.</p>
<p>"Not the specific ones. Every people I asked gave either false clues, vague information, or didn't know at all. I'm starting to lose hope. Maybe they're not in this country anymore", Sho said while rubbing the tables.</p>
<p>"Hey, don't give up! I'm sure that Nino and the other are still here. You said that you guys had a dream here, right? I'm sure that they still remember that and wait for you to come back."</p>
<p>"Yes... But..." Sho messed up his hair, "Argh, where are you, Ninooo?"</p>
<p>"Excuse me? Are you talking about Nino from Secret Bakery?" Sho and Eiko turned around to their customer.</p>
<p>"Eh? Do you know him?" Sho asked her immediately and sat beside her.</p>
<p>"Yes, I'm one of their loyal customers! Ah, sorry for eavesdropping! I'm Suzuki. I love their pastries and bread, it's always fresh and delicious. My children love their products."</p>
<p>"It's the bakery over the mountain, right?" Eiko asked too.</p>
<p>Suzuki nodded, "Yup. Nino works as the cashier, Masaki and Oh-chan make bread, and Jun makes desserts. It's rare to see men making bakery items here, so I'm sure it's them."</p>
<p>Sho and Eiko looked at each other, "Can you give us the address?"</p>
<p>"Sure! I can bring you there if you want", Suzuki smiled.</p>
<p>"Sho-kun!" Eiko exclaimed.</p>
<p>"Eiko-san!" Sho replied.</p>
<p>"Yes, please!"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"So, this is the end? I'll miss my best employee", Eiko asked and laughed.</p>
<p>Sho took his backpack and walked out of the shop, "I don't think so. But I'll keep you updated, Eiko-san."</p>
<p>"Un. Take care. Take them here with you if you find them. I missed them. I'll give them lectures", Eiko said.</p>
<p>"Sho-san! Let's go!" Suzuki called Sho from her car.</p>
<p>Sho waved and smiled, "Yes!" Sho replied to Eiko, "Definitely. See you, Eiko-san."</p>
<p>"Yeah. There's always a place for you here if you wanna come back, Sho-kun."</p>
<p>"I know. Thank you", Sho bowed and walked to Suzuki's car.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Here we are", Suzuki stopped her car in front of the so-called shop. The shop was still closed but Sho could smell the freshly-baked bread. It smelt so good and made his stomach growled. Suzuki heard it and stifled a laugh.</p>
<p>"Don't you want to buy some bread?" Sho was shy and tried to shift the topic.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I can't. I need to go to work soon. Maybe tomorrow", Suzuki smiled.</p>
<p>"Never mind. Thank you so much for this even though you're busy. I appreciate it."</p>
<p>"You're welcome, Sho-san. So happy to help you. Ah, I want to watch your reunion moment but..."</p>
<p>Sho chuckled, "It's okay, Suzuki-san. I know that you're busy", Sho took his backpack and opened the car, "Once again, thank you, Suzuki-san", Sho bowed.</p>
<p>"You're very welcome. See you!" Suzuki waved and went to work.</p>
<p>Sho put on his backpack and unexpectedly saw Nino sweeping the shop's floor. Sho's heart was beating hard. Finally, he could see his best friend again. Nino still looked small and still had his hunch back. But Sho felt somehow different. What did Sho miss? Well, they needed to talk all day long for that. He looked forward to that. Their friends too.</p>
<p>Sho walked closer to the shop, while Nino was still focusing on his chore. Sho straightened his posture and called, "Nino." Nino tensed and slowly turned around, "I'm back."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sho could see the light. The light behind Nino's eyes. It was burning bright. Guiding him to find his place.</p>
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